I was sitting at the lunch counter of a local institution last week when a guy named Don struck up a conversation with me. From Don I learned that I graduated from the same high school as Don and his buddy, singer / songwriter Tom Waits.
Tom Waits is a musician's musician, a fascinating fellow who I've listened to since my high school days - blissfully unaware that he had wandered the same hallways and skipped the same classes as me, perhaps even had some of the same teachers a decade earlier.
I came home and googled Tom to confirm that he had, indeed, attended Hilltop. He had. But this is the most fascinating bit: the graduate from my high school to go on to the most fame and fortune didn't actually graduate from my high school He dropped out.
As I thought about it, I wondered what any teacher at Hilltop could have taught Tom about his future. He has created a fairly unique sound and although he has some obvious influences he has put them together into rather unobvious songs. As much as any "popular" musician, Tom has defined his own path and his own genre.
We know how to crank out people who fill roles, sure. But what do we know about helping people to find a path in life, to create a life and a life's work that somehow expresses what is unique about them? And of the little we do know, how much of that ever finds its way into school curriculum? Are our institutions destined to waste the time of our creative geniuses?
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
False Predecessors to Joy
Imagine how different Oprah Winfrey's life would have been if she had had this kind of conversation with herself.
Oprah 1: I feel like I can do so much in television. It's an exciting medium and I think that I have a gift when it comes to communicating to people.
Oprah 2: That's all true, honey, but you need to lose some weight before you get on television.
Oprah 1: I am heavier than most TV personalities.
Oprah 2: "Most?" Honey, the TV camera adds 20 pounds to everyone. You get on there and you'll be heavier than all of them.
Oprah 1: I could start jogging.
Oprah 2: That's a good idea.
Oprah 1: I'll lose 20 pounds and then I'll audition for TV.
Oprah 2: Maybe 25.
Fortunately for Oprah and her fans, her better self didn't give in to the lesser self's insistence that she check the box on a number of false predecessors before she could go live her life’s mission.
I work with project teams at large companies. When we make plans for developing a new product, one of my tasks is to challenge their thinking about predecessors. If you are going to do the laundry, washing is a predecessor to drying. It is the task that comes before. Sometimes predecessors are real; the team really does have to test the new drug on animals before testing on humans. Other times the predecessors are false; you don't have to lose weight before you start working as a TV personality. My work with these teams has helped me to realize how many times I create false predecessors to joy in my daily life.
It is good, useful, and gratifying to have goals. But if you live your life fully, you'll always have another goal before you. If you decide that joy is something to be deferred until you have achieved a goal, you'll find that you're continually deferring joy.
You have only to see a baby laugh to realize that there are very few predecessors to joy. And you have only to be honest about your avoidance of risk to realize that there are likely fewer predecessors to pursuing your goals than you imagine.
Do this exercise. Articulate a goal, something that you want. Don’t just say, “Get a degree.” Articulate why you want the degree, what it will do for you. What do you want the degree for? Now, think about who you would have to be right now in order to make that goal inevitable. Don't think about what you have to do and in what order. Just think about the kind of person who would have accomplished this goal. What kind of confidence, focus, and (yes) joy does this person exude? And ask yourself this: are there really any reasons why you couldn't be that person right now?
Challenge false predecessors to joy and accomplishment. You might be surprised at how many of them exist only in your thinking.
Oprah 1: I feel like I can do so much in television. It's an exciting medium and I think that I have a gift when it comes to communicating to people.
Oprah 2: That's all true, honey, but you need to lose some weight before you get on television.
Oprah 1: I am heavier than most TV personalities.
Oprah 2: "Most?" Honey, the TV camera adds 20 pounds to everyone. You get on there and you'll be heavier than all of them.
Oprah 1: I could start jogging.
Oprah 2: That's a good idea.
Oprah 1: I'll lose 20 pounds and then I'll audition for TV.
Oprah 2: Maybe 25.
Fortunately for Oprah and her fans, her better self didn't give in to the lesser self's insistence that she check the box on a number of false predecessors before she could go live her life’s mission.
I work with project teams at large companies. When we make plans for developing a new product, one of my tasks is to challenge their thinking about predecessors. If you are going to do the laundry, washing is a predecessor to drying. It is the task that comes before. Sometimes predecessors are real; the team really does have to test the new drug on animals before testing on humans. Other times the predecessors are false; you don't have to lose weight before you start working as a TV personality. My work with these teams has helped me to realize how many times I create false predecessors to joy in my daily life.
It is good, useful, and gratifying to have goals. But if you live your life fully, you'll always have another goal before you. If you decide that joy is something to be deferred until you have achieved a goal, you'll find that you're continually deferring joy.
You have only to see a baby laugh to realize that there are very few predecessors to joy. And you have only to be honest about your avoidance of risk to realize that there are likely fewer predecessors to pursuing your goals than you imagine.
Do this exercise. Articulate a goal, something that you want. Don’t just say, “Get a degree.” Articulate why you want the degree, what it will do for you. What do you want the degree for? Now, think about who you would have to be right now in order to make that goal inevitable. Don't think about what you have to do and in what order. Just think about the kind of person who would have accomplished this goal. What kind of confidence, focus, and (yes) joy does this person exude? And ask yourself this: are there really any reasons why you couldn't be that person right now?
Challenge false predecessors to joy and accomplishment. You might be surprised at how many of them exist only in your thinking.
Lazy May Not Be Your Problem
“Sometimes we confuse work ethic with love of what you’re doing.” - Jim Dietz, SDSU Baseball Coach, speaking of Tony Gwynn
When I taught Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People seminars, folks would receive feedback about how well they did in each of the 7 habits. Invariably, people scored lowest on habit 3 - "put first things first." At first blush, this suggested that they weren't driven enough, organized enough - didn't do enough to set and keep priorities. Years later, I don't see it that way.
Habit 1 is “be proactive.” Habit 2 is “begin with the end in mind” - articulating a compelling vision by which to live one's life. Habit 3 is to then “put first things first” - doing the things that support your vision. My own opinion is that breakdowns in habit 3 actually reflect problems with habit 2.
If people have discovered or created a truly compelling vision, putting first things first will not be a problem. If they have a vision that comes from a sense of obligation instead, putting first things first will be a chronic problem. Finding a sense of purpose that resonates is difficult work. If you think that you are not disciplined, you may find that you simply have not created a compelling vision for yourself. Compelling suggests that it is exciting, suggesting a possibility that captivates you. It also suggests that is credible to you - something that you see as possible, perhaps even probable. Once you've truly found yourself, even you may have trouble stopping you.
When I taught Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People seminars, folks would receive feedback about how well they did in each of the 7 habits. Invariably, people scored lowest on habit 3 - "put first things first." At first blush, this suggested that they weren't driven enough, organized enough - didn't do enough to set and keep priorities. Years later, I don't see it that way.
Habit 1 is “be proactive.” Habit 2 is “begin with the end in mind” - articulating a compelling vision by which to live one's life. Habit 3 is to then “put first things first” - doing the things that support your vision. My own opinion is that breakdowns in habit 3 actually reflect problems with habit 2.
If people have discovered or created a truly compelling vision, putting first things first will not be a problem. If they have a vision that comes from a sense of obligation instead, putting first things first will be a chronic problem. Finding a sense of purpose that resonates is difficult work. If you think that you are not disciplined, you may find that you simply have not created a compelling vision for yourself. Compelling suggests that it is exciting, suggesting a possibility that captivates you. It also suggests that is credible to you - something that you see as possible, perhaps even probable. Once you've truly found yourself, even you may have trouble stopping you.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Goals and MetaGoals
We all have two meta-goals: define a goal and then achieve that goal.
You are sitting around on a Friday night or thinking about a change in your career. Your first step, your first goal, is to define a goal. What do you want to do with your evening? What do you want to do for a career or cash flow?
Once you've defined that goal, your next meta goal is to achieve this newly articulated goal. You call friends to see if they will join you for dinner or begin to call could-be employers to learn whether they have any openings.
My opinion is that we generally spend an inordinate amount of time on pursuing goals and very little time articulating them. Many goals get abandoned either because they weren't practical or they weren't really an expression of who we were.
We shy away from the existential angst that invariably comes with the search to define a goal. it is no wonder that adventure tales so often include the hero struggling against the forces of darkness. It just feels so much better to have a goal - even if it is a petty thing - than to drift without a goal. So, many people short circuit the inevitably frustrating work of finding a goal and leap into pursuing one. Show a little courage: struggle through the darkness rather than avoid it.
“To collect one’s forces, even when they seem to be scattered, and when one’s aim is only dimly perceived -- this is a great action and will sooner or later bring forth fruits.”
- Maria Montessori
Find a goal articulated by a conspiracy of your head, heart, and gut. You won't just find the pursuit of that goal more gratifying - you'll find that realizing such a goal will truly change you.
You are sitting around on a Friday night or thinking about a change in your career. Your first step, your first goal, is to define a goal. What do you want to do with your evening? What do you want to do for a career or cash flow?
Once you've defined that goal, your next meta goal is to achieve this newly articulated goal. You call friends to see if they will join you for dinner or begin to call could-be employers to learn whether they have any openings.
My opinion is that we generally spend an inordinate amount of time on pursuing goals and very little time articulating them. Many goals get abandoned either because they weren't practical or they weren't really an expression of who we were.
We shy away from the existential angst that invariably comes with the search to define a goal. it is no wonder that adventure tales so often include the hero struggling against the forces of darkness. It just feels so much better to have a goal - even if it is a petty thing - than to drift without a goal. So, many people short circuit the inevitably frustrating work of finding a goal and leap into pursuing one. Show a little courage: struggle through the darkness rather than avoid it.
“To collect one’s forces, even when they seem to be scattered, and when one’s aim is only dimly perceived -- this is a great action and will sooner or later bring forth fruits.”
- Maria Montessori
Find a goal articulated by a conspiracy of your head, heart, and gut. You won't just find the pursuit of that goal more gratifying - you'll find that realizing such a goal will truly change you.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
The Alignment of Head, Heart & Gut
I’ve had four aha moments in my life – four events that brought an alignment of head, heart, and gut. I’ve used those rare moments to guide my life since.
Some conclusions I’ve reached with my head. They make sense even if my heart is not in them. “Don’t treat yourself with so many baked goods” is an example of a conclusion that my head has reached but my heart is not in. To this day I eat too many scones and muffins.
Other conclusions I’ve made with my gut. “Don’t trust that person.” I don’t have a real reason for it – it’s just a gut feeling. Sometimes these gut feelings prove right and other times they don’t. Sometimes my gut feelings seem like intuition and other times they seem to me like they were just superstition.
And some conclusions have been emotional, arrived at by the heart. “I can totally see myself getting rich by signing up 3 new clients each week!” Or, “I am going to get fit by running 5 miles each day!” And as with the decisions made by the head or gut, the decisions made by a heart alone have a mixed track record.
What I’ve found is that there are few times in life when the head, heart, and gut all align, like planets in an astrologer’s forecast. When reason, emotion, and instinct all converge on a decision, it’s a conclusion that I trust with my life. And I have.
The first three moments were both personal and, I’m embarrassed to say it, probably fairly generic. These were moments when reason, emotion, and instinct conspired to tell me that this was a direction to move in my life. My religion, my wife, and my children all hit me with this force. The fourth moment of brilliant clarity, of conviction, has to do with my work, my calling.
About 15 years ago, I saw a pattern that I’ve worked to research, develop, articulate, and translate into action ever since. I am 46 now and I suspect that I’ll merely be getting it started when I stop working at the age of 96. My head tells me that this next great transformation is going to occur and that the pattern of past revolutions predicts the future. My gut tells me that social change is overdue and imminent. My heart tells me that this offers the most exciting opportunity ever afforded a generation and to be an advocate and guide to this transformation promises more excitement than one person has the right to expect. A similar alignment can occur in romance.
When a romantic impulse or insight excites your head, heart, and gut, you have as clear a signal as the universe provides. Honestly do this check for a romantic partner. Does your head, coldly analyzing the facts and situation, feel that this person makes sense as a partner? Do you see reasons why you two wouldn’t be compatible? Does your heart fill with excitement, with emotion, when you are with this person or thinking about him / her? Finally, does your gut send any warning signals or do you feel a great deal of ineffable comfort and sense of belonging with this person? And for a romantic interest you should probably include a fourth organ as well when talking about the alignment of head, heart, and gut.
For a great deal of life, it is enough to have the vote of head, heart, or gut. You don’t need alignment of all three to go try a new restaurant or pick a vacation spot or even move a task up on your to do list. But for the truly defining choices in life, you should patiently wait for just this kind of alignment.
For me, these rare moments of clarity have been enough. If I stay true to them on the dark and confusing days, I can still find my way.
Some conclusions I’ve reached with my head. They make sense even if my heart is not in them. “Don’t treat yourself with so many baked goods” is an example of a conclusion that my head has reached but my heart is not in. To this day I eat too many scones and muffins.
Other conclusions I’ve made with my gut. “Don’t trust that person.” I don’t have a real reason for it – it’s just a gut feeling. Sometimes these gut feelings prove right and other times they don’t. Sometimes my gut feelings seem like intuition and other times they seem to me like they were just superstition.
And some conclusions have been emotional, arrived at by the heart. “I can totally see myself getting rich by signing up 3 new clients each week!” Or, “I am going to get fit by running 5 miles each day!” And as with the decisions made by the head or gut, the decisions made by a heart alone have a mixed track record.
What I’ve found is that there are few times in life when the head, heart, and gut all align, like planets in an astrologer’s forecast. When reason, emotion, and instinct all converge on a decision, it’s a conclusion that I trust with my life. And I have.
The first three moments were both personal and, I’m embarrassed to say it, probably fairly generic. These were moments when reason, emotion, and instinct conspired to tell me that this was a direction to move in my life. My religion, my wife, and my children all hit me with this force. The fourth moment of brilliant clarity, of conviction, has to do with my work, my calling.
About 15 years ago, I saw a pattern that I’ve worked to research, develop, articulate, and translate into action ever since. I am 46 now and I suspect that I’ll merely be getting it started when I stop working at the age of 96. My head tells me that this next great transformation is going to occur and that the pattern of past revolutions predicts the future. My gut tells me that social change is overdue and imminent. My heart tells me that this offers the most exciting opportunity ever afforded a generation and to be an advocate and guide to this transformation promises more excitement than one person has the right to expect. A similar alignment can occur in romance.
When a romantic impulse or insight excites your head, heart, and gut, you have as clear a signal as the universe provides. Honestly do this check for a romantic partner. Does your head, coldly analyzing the facts and situation, feel that this person makes sense as a partner? Do you see reasons why you two wouldn’t be compatible? Does your heart fill with excitement, with emotion, when you are with this person or thinking about him / her? Finally, does your gut send any warning signals or do you feel a great deal of ineffable comfort and sense of belonging with this person? And for a romantic interest you should probably include a fourth organ as well when talking about the alignment of head, heart, and gut.
For a great deal of life, it is enough to have the vote of head, heart, or gut. You don’t need alignment of all three to go try a new restaurant or pick a vacation spot or even move a task up on your to do list. But for the truly defining choices in life, you should patiently wait for just this kind of alignment.
For me, these rare moments of clarity have been enough. If I stay true to them on the dark and confusing days, I can still find my way.
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