Yesterday, I learned what might be the secret to finding one's way in life.
My wife and I were at UC San Diego. We arrived early for our play and I wanted to scamper over to the university bookstore to see what special treasures they might have. This seems like a simple task save for one thing: we San Diegans, apparently struck with guilt about how easy our lives are in this land with the climate of an indoor shopping mall, have a propensity to construct convoluted paths. Horton Plaza, the downtown shopping mall, is constructed so that one can actually see a store across the way but not know how to get there sans the cable and pulley systems that someone like James Bond might carry in his wallet. UC San Diego is similar - a beautiful, big campus that seemingly opts for meandering sidewalks and foot paths wherever it can.
We knew the general direction we wanted to head but we quickly found ourselves in a dead end of sorts. I asked a student, "How do I get to the bookstore?" In a delightfully helpful manner that reminded me of why I love living among humans, she walked us a short distance, trying to describe how one might navigate the convoluted, un-named paths that eventually led to the book store. After a few attempts to describe a route that defied description, she finally turned to me and offered this simple advice.
"Just head in this direction," she said, pointing, "and ask people along the way."
I had to laugh. How perfect was that advice? And how broadly applicable.
None of us can make it on our own. Find your general direction – and then ask for help along the way. As it turned out, I didn't even have to find the bookstore to get my daily dose of wisdom.
Showing posts with label mission. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mission. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
Life as an Experiment - Beyond Bold Statements
God said, “Let there be light.”
Fred said, “This is the year that my business moves out of the garage and onto the cover of Inc. magazine.”
Guess who spoke something into existence with a simple declaration and guess who was frustrated, discouraged and embarrassed at the end of the year.
One of the problems with traditional mission statements and goal setting is that it depends on a simplistic notion of how people and reality actually work. The belief that plans will work as planned depends on at least a couple of underlying assumptions, neither of which is particularly well documented. The first assumption is that we are god-like, able to speak things into existence. The second assumption is that reality actually changes in sudden and dramatic shifts, like light springing into existence out of complete darkness.
Perhaps what is most unfortunate about these beliefs is that it so often leads to disappointment and a new belief: “I can’t change. This is just who I am.” Studies show that people who make declarations of self-change temporarily feel better but in just a few weeks nearly 90 percent are disappointed and left with a worse self-image. Worse, declarations that are unrealistic with regards to timing or payoff (the most common kind of declarations) reduce satisfaction with life by about 40 percent. Make a goal and feel worse about yourself and life in general in just weeks!
Declaration is the basis for a lot of change efforts, from diets and fitness programs to business and social success. Whether it is under the guise of mission statements, specific goals or bold promises, declaration is one way we try to assert ourselves onto reality. The result, often as not, makes about as much difference as bugs redirecting traffic.
“Men who have discovered the limits of arrogance make better company: You notice more when you're not running around imposing your will on everything.”
- Virginia Vitzthum
The approach to follow begins with the perhaps shocking notion that we are not god-like. We are unable to change reality – even to change ourselves – with bold declarations or through secretly scribbled notes in a planner or journal.
More often, change is the result of a different process – a more incremental and inquisitive approach in which we learn about our potential and our goals through experiences. Our goals direct our experiences and our experiences, in turn, shape our goals. The two interact in a cycle through which we emerge. The problem is, we too often leave both to chance rather than intention. The approach that follows is about turning your life into an intentional experiment – a wonderful experiment that promises at least as much delight, and certainly more surprise, than the realization of any goal you can declare now.
Fred said, “This is the year that my business moves out of the garage and onto the cover of Inc. magazine.”
Guess who spoke something into existence with a simple declaration and guess who was frustrated, discouraged and embarrassed at the end of the year.
One of the problems with traditional mission statements and goal setting is that it depends on a simplistic notion of how people and reality actually work. The belief that plans will work as planned depends on at least a couple of underlying assumptions, neither of which is particularly well documented. The first assumption is that we are god-like, able to speak things into existence. The second assumption is that reality actually changes in sudden and dramatic shifts, like light springing into existence out of complete darkness.
Perhaps what is most unfortunate about these beliefs is that it so often leads to disappointment and a new belief: “I can’t change. This is just who I am.” Studies show that people who make declarations of self-change temporarily feel better but in just a few weeks nearly 90 percent are disappointed and left with a worse self-image. Worse, declarations that are unrealistic with regards to timing or payoff (the most common kind of declarations) reduce satisfaction with life by about 40 percent. Make a goal and feel worse about yourself and life in general in just weeks!
Declaration is the basis for a lot of change efforts, from diets and fitness programs to business and social success. Whether it is under the guise of mission statements, specific goals or bold promises, declaration is one way we try to assert ourselves onto reality. The result, often as not, makes about as much difference as bugs redirecting traffic.
“Men who have discovered the limits of arrogance make better company: You notice more when you're not running around imposing your will on everything.”
- Virginia Vitzthum
The approach to follow begins with the perhaps shocking notion that we are not god-like. We are unable to change reality – even to change ourselves – with bold declarations or through secretly scribbled notes in a planner or journal.
More often, change is the result of a different process – a more incremental and inquisitive approach in which we learn about our potential and our goals through experiences. Our goals direct our experiences and our experiences, in turn, shape our goals. The two interact in a cycle through which we emerge. The problem is, we too often leave both to chance rather than intention. The approach that follows is about turning your life into an intentional experiment – a wonderful experiment that promises at least as much delight, and certainly more surprise, than the realization of any goal you can declare now.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
False Predecessors to Joy
Imagine how different Oprah Winfrey's life would have been if she had had this kind of conversation with herself.
Oprah 1: I feel like I can do so much in television. It's an exciting medium and I think that I have a gift when it comes to communicating to people.
Oprah 2: That's all true, honey, but you need to lose some weight before you get on television.
Oprah 1: I am heavier than most TV personalities.
Oprah 2: "Most?" Honey, the TV camera adds 20 pounds to everyone. You get on there and you'll be heavier than all of them.
Oprah 1: I could start jogging.
Oprah 2: That's a good idea.
Oprah 1: I'll lose 20 pounds and then I'll audition for TV.
Oprah 2: Maybe 25.
Fortunately for Oprah and her fans, her better self didn't give in to the lesser self's insistence that she check the box on a number of false predecessors before she could go live her life’s mission.
I work with project teams at large companies. When we make plans for developing a new product, one of my tasks is to challenge their thinking about predecessors. If you are going to do the laundry, washing is a predecessor to drying. It is the task that comes before. Sometimes predecessors are real; the team really does have to test the new drug on animals before testing on humans. Other times the predecessors are false; you don't have to lose weight before you start working as a TV personality. My work with these teams has helped me to realize how many times I create false predecessors to joy in my daily life.
It is good, useful, and gratifying to have goals. But if you live your life fully, you'll always have another goal before you. If you decide that joy is something to be deferred until you have achieved a goal, you'll find that you're continually deferring joy.
You have only to see a baby laugh to realize that there are very few predecessors to joy. And you have only to be honest about your avoidance of risk to realize that there are likely fewer predecessors to pursuing your goals than you imagine.
Do this exercise. Articulate a goal, something that you want. Don’t just say, “Get a degree.” Articulate why you want the degree, what it will do for you. What do you want the degree for? Now, think about who you would have to be right now in order to make that goal inevitable. Don't think about what you have to do and in what order. Just think about the kind of person who would have accomplished this goal. What kind of confidence, focus, and (yes) joy does this person exude? And ask yourself this: are there really any reasons why you couldn't be that person right now?
Challenge false predecessors to joy and accomplishment. You might be surprised at how many of them exist only in your thinking.
Oprah 1: I feel like I can do so much in television. It's an exciting medium and I think that I have a gift when it comes to communicating to people.
Oprah 2: That's all true, honey, but you need to lose some weight before you get on television.
Oprah 1: I am heavier than most TV personalities.
Oprah 2: "Most?" Honey, the TV camera adds 20 pounds to everyone. You get on there and you'll be heavier than all of them.
Oprah 1: I could start jogging.
Oprah 2: That's a good idea.
Oprah 1: I'll lose 20 pounds and then I'll audition for TV.
Oprah 2: Maybe 25.
Fortunately for Oprah and her fans, her better self didn't give in to the lesser self's insistence that she check the box on a number of false predecessors before she could go live her life’s mission.
I work with project teams at large companies. When we make plans for developing a new product, one of my tasks is to challenge their thinking about predecessors. If you are going to do the laundry, washing is a predecessor to drying. It is the task that comes before. Sometimes predecessors are real; the team really does have to test the new drug on animals before testing on humans. Other times the predecessors are false; you don't have to lose weight before you start working as a TV personality. My work with these teams has helped me to realize how many times I create false predecessors to joy in my daily life.
It is good, useful, and gratifying to have goals. But if you live your life fully, you'll always have another goal before you. If you decide that joy is something to be deferred until you have achieved a goal, you'll find that you're continually deferring joy.
You have only to see a baby laugh to realize that there are very few predecessors to joy. And you have only to be honest about your avoidance of risk to realize that there are likely fewer predecessors to pursuing your goals than you imagine.
Do this exercise. Articulate a goal, something that you want. Don’t just say, “Get a degree.” Articulate why you want the degree, what it will do for you. What do you want the degree for? Now, think about who you would have to be right now in order to make that goal inevitable. Don't think about what you have to do and in what order. Just think about the kind of person who would have accomplished this goal. What kind of confidence, focus, and (yes) joy does this person exude? And ask yourself this: are there really any reasons why you couldn't be that person right now?
Challenge false predecessors to joy and accomplishment. You might be surprised at how many of them exist only in your thinking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
